PARADOX OF SUCCESS

The greatest paradox known to humanity is the reality, that the pursuit of the American Dream of becoming successful, having a great family, owning a house with a white picket fence in end is meaningless. All my life it has been ingrained in me to be all that I possibly could be which in the end would allow me to acquire the greater things in life. Growing up I became consumed with the hunger to make money, whether it was working a part-time job, saving money my parents gave me, or earning my money dirty on my community’s streets money became my driving force. Tracing back the root of this problem, my childhood days are where this manipulating force was first birthed. Attempting to fit into the cool crowd at school, I found myself wanting the name brand shoes and clothes that the popular crowd wore. My parents did all they possibly could to provide these things. The sad reality is in the end the material possessions became insignificant. although at one time they were something I thought I couldn't’t live without. One of my greatest mistakes in life is I have spent incredibly too much time, money, energy, and passion on things that in the end have little value.

Even as young chubby, middle school kid I focused intently on working hard developing a dating career. I remember as if it was yesterday, there she was sitting in the foyer of our school. The new girl had long brown hair, dark eyes, and attitude that could scare off anybody. Attitude and all I found my new crush, and I was going to do all I could to gain her attention. During the school day I found myself taking different routes, trying to cross her path. The next thing I know God must have been looking out for me because as I entered my eighth period class there was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. The new girl was sitting in a desk right next to mine. Sweaty palms and all, I eased into my chair praying that I would have the conversational skills to sweep her off her feet. After many notes were exchanged and late night telephone conversations I asked her a dangerous question. She answered with a smile, “of course I will be your girlfriend.” A few short weeks later, my hunger had suppressed and I broke up with her. Looking back on those years, I spent so much time trying to be liked, trying to talk to the popular girl, doing all I possibly could to gain the respect of my peers. Yet I still remained empty, as if I was a car running on fumes. The one person I should neglect the least was none existent to me, the creator of the universe. Yet on any given day I would literally go out of my way to make conversation with a popular kid, which would entail us talking about meaningless things for hours, cross the path of the latest hottie, or try to gain attention through sports. The harsh reality is why didn’t I pursue my relationship with God so intently if I only would have spent my time, energy, and resources on my relationship with the Savior of the world.

My high school years were filled with the same persistent pattern, in fact more intensely than before. One late winter afternoon my cousin that was a cheerleader told me that a cheerleader friend of hers wanted to borrow my letter jacket. “How could this be?” I thought to myself. One of the most popular girls in my school wanted to wear my jacket. I drove home at a fast speed and went into my closet to grab my letter jacket. The next thing I did would definitely make one of the top ten stupidest things I have ever done. I grabbed my jacket and grabbed a bottle of cologne off the top of my dresser. I then proceeded to spray my letter jacket with countless amounts of my cologne. In a few short seconds my doorbell rang. I opened the door with hesitation, there she was one of the most popular and in my eyes the prettiest girl in school. I handed her the jacket, short of words I asked her how her day was. After a short time of conversation she was off to go cheer at one of high school sporting events. Later that night I got word that the strong fragrance of my cologne still reeked in hear car, and she was unable to wear my jacket because the smell made her nauseous.

Looking back, It is downright heartbreaking to see how much time I wasted pursuing the approval of others and failing to pursue my Savior with the same passion.